my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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