Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Never underestimate the power of titties
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