That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
