if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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