Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
