dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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