did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
