Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
