Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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