Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
