If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
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If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
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I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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