im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You smell like stripper and shame
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
