you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
