What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
