sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
