if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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