Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
