im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
