I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
