"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
