so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
