I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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