those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
