after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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