why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
