6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize