I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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