whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
