would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
