Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
They took my balls.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
