it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
