And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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