Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
