This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
