I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
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Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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