it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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