This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
