dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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