saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
