after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
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He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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