I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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