So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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