speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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