In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
