It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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