in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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