Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
