Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
