I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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