She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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