Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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