paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Randomize