Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
