So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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