Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
