I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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