she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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