If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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