the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
