my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
