I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
