never play flip cup with pint glasses
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
