One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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