all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
love makes seman taste better
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
