she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
