She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
