Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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