everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
