Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
