he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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