I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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