i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
